Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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