It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
