mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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