Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
