im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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