dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
