Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have tasted many bathrooms
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
