Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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