In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I smell stomach acid.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
