No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
