let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
