im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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