Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
