Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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