the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
