You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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