and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
