My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
