i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
