If i come over, it means nothing
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
