Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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