That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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