i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
