I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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