Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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