i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
