the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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