Cold hands, warm shart.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
