Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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