I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
