The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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