You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
