Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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