check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
