the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
