I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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