I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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