I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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