My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
