she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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