this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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