you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
