dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
