dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
