I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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