my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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