I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
They have beer where we have blood.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
