i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
