I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
