Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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