the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
